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Porn is by and large considered a man’s problem. Men are the primary consumers and viewers of pornography and the porn industry largely caters to a male audience. Let’s face it Ron Jeremy was never as famous as Jenna James or Stormy Daniels. But what if it is the woman in your life who wants to watch porn?
The truth is that porn isn’t just a man’s problem. There are lots of women who are regular viewers of porn as well. This doesn’t make it okay (for either gender). Porn is equally as destructive to relationships, and on a personal level, whether you are a man or a woman. So what is a husband to do when his wife wants to watch porn?
No, the answer is not to smile with glee and start streaming smut. For many men it would be a dream come true to have their wife want to watch porn with them. Rather than indulging that, however, you should be asking yourself why she’s really interested.
The reasons a woman wants to watch porn can be different than those for a man. And they can signal problems in the relationship. If your wife is watching porn, do any of these things sound familiar?
1. You have become emotionally disconnected. Women typically enjoy sex most when there is an emotional, love connection with the person with whom they’re having it. This is not to say that a woman doesn’t enjoy the physical aspect as much as a man, or that a man doesn’t find sex better when he’s in love. But what happens when you grow apart as a couple and the physical desire for sex is still there? A woman may find it harder to get into the swing of things if the connection between you two has faded. In this case she may turn to porn to help her either satisfy her own needs or get her in the mood to be with you.
2. She rarely seems (or seemed) to orgasm. There is no doubt that people physically respond to pornographic images. Sexual arousal is a normal reaction for most. This doesn’t mean you condone it or that it is a healthy option, just that you’re human. If your regular routine doesn’t typically result in her satisfaction she may be turning to other means to achieve it. This could be with or without you.
3. Your relationship is, well – boring. And not just in the bedroom. Remember when you were first dating and you had FUN together? Undoubtedly the sex was exciting then too. Feeling sexually aroused and engaged releases endorphins that are often associated with the more exciting times in your lives. Whether you are 25 or 55, the overwhelming rush of sexual gratification feels the same. So, if your relationship has gotten dull she may be trying to recapture, even just momentarily, the feelings that came so naturally before.
4. You are busy with other things. Too busy or tired for sex? This is typically seen as something that women say to men, but there are plenty of men who would rather sleep or watch the game than get busy (so to speak.) There are also just as many women who want to have sex on a regular basis. Women who express interest in a more active sex life and are not given that option will sometimes turn to porn and self-satisfaction. They may see that as a better option than having an affair.
5. She wants to be more creative. Discussing sexual desires can be difficult for many couples, especially for the woman. If your wife is watching porn she may be interested in spicing things up but is not comfortable telling you what she wants. This probably doesn’t mean she is looking for a threesome, or to get particularly acrobatic, but it may mean she would be open to some new moves. If your regular routine feels scripted and predictable and your wife has shown an interest in porn, consider talking to her about it. In fact, if that’s the case you should probably talk anyway – porn or no porn.
No matter what the reason your wife (or you) gives for watching porn it isn’t the answer. Porn may seem like a harmless indulgence or, depending upon your justification, a needed one. But the truth is that porn will do more harm than good. If you find that porn has become a factor in your life as a couple or alone it is time to make some changes. Left unchecked, the problems you will face are far greater than what you are dealing with now.
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The post My Wife Likes Porn and I’m Not Sure What to do appeared first on The Good Men Project.
